By Wayne E. Rivet

Staff Writer

Samar Khuder had a simple message as she told a compelling story of living in danger in her homeland (Iraq) which ultimately forced her and her family to seek refuge first in Syria and ultimately here in the United States.

Be kind.

Be welcoming.

You can make a difference in someone else’s life.

Samar was recently a guest speaker at the First Congregational Church UCC in Bridgton. She joined Rev. Emily Goodnow in an “interview” setting as part of the Sunday service’s “Message.”

“I am very happy to be here and to share my story with you,” said Samar, who was accompanied at the church by her mother and sister.

Samar, 23, is a student at the University of Southern Maine, where she is a general biology major. She will graduate this year, and then proceed to dental school. She is an advocate for the New England Arab American Organization, which is collaborating with Through These Doors (Bridgton office on Main Street) under a three-year grant to help people “bridge any cultural gap.”

Samar’s journey to safety and a new life has been long and treacherous.

She was born in Iraq, and when war broke out, her life was “turned upside down.”

“There was a lot of shooting, something I wasn’t used to. My house was located on the third floor, and we were never safe. I had to hide in the back of the house so the bullets wouldn’t come through the windows and get us. One day, a bullet came through a window and shattered our fish tank. We would wake up every morning and thank God that we were still alive,” she recalled. “We would see dead bodies on the street or sidewalk in the mornings. We worried about my dad’s safety.”

There was an empty space between the buildings and “strange people would come and start the shootings.”

“Because this happened next to our house, some people thought my dad was part of it. They took him, trying to blame him for this. They took him twice, and my dad had to flee to other people’s houses,” she explained.

Her mom, dad and sister fled to Syria. Samar and her other sister stayed behind so they could continue their education. The plan was to reunite later.

“One day, leaving school, they shot the bodyguards trying to guard our school. We challenged ourselves to get through this and be safe,” she recalled.

Although the family reunited in Syria, life remained hard. Samar’s dad had difficulty keeping a steady job because of an unstable economy. Samar’s mother went to work, sewing beads onto dresses.

“There were days we didn’t have anything in our refrigerator. Maybe some potato and tomato, hopefully some bread,” said Samar, having to stop for a second to wipe back some tears. “The house had one room and a living room. We had six people in that house.”

Support did come from neighbors, Samar said. They provided food and other necessities.

“It made a huge difference,” she said. “Those days that we didn’t have any food, we would go to the corner store and ask for anything. We didn’t have any money. They told us we could pay them later when our dad had some money. We appreciated this so much. Without help, we would have had to go back to Iraq.”

A neighbor suggested that Samar’s family apply to the United Nations about relocating to the United States “to start a new life.”

She made a difference.

“We are so thankful. She helped us fill out applications. We finally got accepted (after about a year, which the family had to show that Samar’s father was facing danger). In my head, I was thinking I was going to a Barbie’s house. I used to dream about it,” said Samar, drawing some laughter from the congregation.

She was 13 years old when her family left Iraq. Samar discovered quickly there would be some major adjustments living in the United States. One day, she got lost trying to find her way from school back to her home. “I thought I was never going to see my parents again. I couldn’t ask anyone for help because they couldn’t understand me,” she recalled. “I wandered around and started crying. I found this store, and the police took me home. We didn’t have phones in Syria. I had no idea what GPS was.”

And, there were some bizarre moments.

“We came during Halloween. People were dressed ‘weird’ and ‘strange.’ Maybe we should go back to Iraq. We didn’t know what Halloween was. We were shocked. There was a car in front of us that had a dead body on the trunk. It wasn’t an actual dead body, but we thought it was. What is this?”

The new home in Lynn,  Mass. wasn’t a Barbie house, it was a “Mice House.”

“There was a lot of mice in there,” she said. “It had four rooms and a living room. We slept in one room because of the mice. We struggled through it. It was a long process before we got a safe home.”

During that time, the family felt isolated. They knew no one. No one knocked on their door asking if the family needed anything.

“Sometimes, we felt unwelcomed (because of what they wore). We were asked why we were here and maybe we should go back to your country. It’s hurtful. These words do break people’s hearts. Well, we can’t go back because of what’s happening. If we didn’t leave, we probably wouldn’t be alive right now,” said Samar. “Care and kindness, just people making sure that you are doing okay makes a huge difference. Help to make them feel they aren’t strangers. Doing small things can change people’s lives.”

School was hard since Samar didn’t know English. When a teacher asked Samar if she understood, she simply nodded her head. “I didn’t know what the word ‘understand’ means. There was one Arabic girl in the school, and they would take her out of class to help me. I always felt bad that I did this to her. I challenged myself to learn the language, and they were surprised how fast I did learn it,” she said. “I earned an award because of it and it was on the news. My parents were invited.”

“I have never doubted God. People make their own decisions. You welcome people. You do the right thing. You go help others. God never said don’t do that. Instead, His message is be kind, be welcoming. We all have roles in this life, and we can make a difference,” Samar said.

Rev. Goodnow applauded Samar’s willingness to share her story, and do it so gracefully and heartfelt, considering it was her first public speaking moment.

“You have a really powerful message,” Rev. Goodnow said. “Thank you for your openness and honesty. We are grateful that you are here.”

Speaking out is one way for Samar to move on from her past.

“Even though these bad things happened 10 years ago, but whenever I talk about it, I cry. I get emotional. I read a quote that said ‘the only time you have healed is when you say your story without crying. I know I haven’t healed yet. It’s a process,” she said. “Trying to be a successful person and helping others is my way to heal. To be an advocate is my way to help. What I’ve been through taught me how to treat others. How to welcome them.”

Samar reiterated that her only message is “be welcoming and take care of each other.”

“It does change others’ lives,” she concluded. “If it wasn’t for that woman, we wouldn’t be here. Without that neighbor in Syria that gave us food when we needed it, we wouldn’t have stayed there. Whether small or big, it makes a huge difference.”

The move to Maine in 2014 was the result of “better housing assistance,” other relatives who are here, and Samar starting school at USM. She chose to pursue a career in dentistry because “it’s been a dream since I was little. The dentist had this huge smile that could steal anyone’s heart. Her name was Samar. I was fascinated with her work, helping people get that perfect smile. My parents have been so supportive. They’ve taught me to work hard and be my own leader. That’s what I am doing.”

Samar works full-time and attends school. It is a challenge, but with support and determination, Samar knows she can succeed.